Sports Jokes…
Here are some monologue jokes I wrote for the November edition of “12 Angry Mascots.” Some of them got used, some of them didn’t. You get to see them all…
1) The Yankees won their 27th World Series. Three more and they get a Free Sub.
2) Bill Walton has retired from broadcasting. He said, “it is time to dedicate the rest of my life to service.” Adding, “and by service I mean getting really,really high all the time.”
3) Chad Ochocinco is being fined by the NFL for his $1 bribe of an official last Sunday. Ochocinco is expected to pay the league ocho cinco thousand dollars.
4) Patriots coach Bill Belichick is being criticized for his decision to go for it on 4th and 2 with his team up against the Colts with two minutes to play. Keep in mind Belichick’s critics are mostly jealous middle-aged men who have never actually played organized football, and think they know what they’re talking about because they’re good at Madden.
5a) Yuri Foreman, who by day is studying to be an Orthodox Rabbi, became the first Israeli to win a boxing title when he won the WBA super welterweight title Saturday night. Some potential nicknames I’ve come up with for him are: The Rumbling Rabbi, The Kosher K.O., and — my personal favorite— The Batterin’ Bubbeleh.
5b) Yuri Foreman, who by day is studying to be an Orthodox Rabbi, became the first Israeli to win a boxing title when he won the WBA super welterweight title Saturday night. Forman’s mother was in the stands for the fight and could be heard screaming “Not the punim! Not the punim”
6) BCS officials selected Bill Hancock to become the first executive director of college football’s postseason system. Hancock’s main duty as executive director will be to make the BCS system even more confusing than it already is.
7) Milwaukee Bucks rookie Brandon Jennings dropped 55 points. Hopefully now the Bucks’ parking lot attendant will remember his name.
8) Russian figure skater Andrei Lutai has been arrested and jailed for stealing a car and driving drunk in upstate New York. Not to be outdone, Russian figure skater Oksana Baiul had a momosa and then hijacked a 747.
