The song “School’s Out For Summer” is no loner relevant
It’s that time of the year again. Time to round up the teens like cattle and cram them into prison-like structures. It’s time to go back to school. As someone who went to and survived high school, I would like to share some of my knowledge with today’s high schoolers.
1. Don’t bring a stinky lunch. Yes, we all know stink equals flavor, but stink does not equal friendship and it certainly does not equal coolness. Please, tell your mom to just give you cash instead of that cold yet somehow bubbly stew.
2. Get Good grades. The better the college you get into the better the pot will be. Plus grandma will be so proud.
3. Try to wear some color. I know all black looks cool, but the other kids will think you’re plotting something. You don’t want that. Save your black for after school and weekends.
4. Try to get first period free so you can sleep late and last period free so you can leave early. Also, try to get a double lunch period, that way you can take a siesta.
5. Pick a bitch. You want someone weak who will not fight back. Torment him publicly. It will impress others and it’s a good way to let off some steam. Also, with right punching form, it will be good for your abs.
6. Get yourself a pair of shades to wear indoors. The women will want you, the men will respect you, and the teachers will fear you.
7. Drink you milk. You’re a growing boy, you need strong bones.
8. Start a club. Nothing looks better on a resume than the word “founder”. All you need to start a club is 10 people and a faculty advisor. Now, don’t worry, just cause you’re starting a club doesn’t mean you are going to have to do any actual work. When I was in school I started and ran the Italian film Club. We ordered Domino’s (that the school paid for!) and watched Goodfella’s every week. It was awesome.
9. Save your sick days.
10. Wear a condom.
Good luck with the school year.
